From the new couple to the newly wed, there are plenty of statistics to show the creep of weight gain on loved up couples. A survey of 2,000 Americans found that 75% of participants gained weight after finding love, with an average increase of 36 pounds since meeting their partner, and 17 of those pounds added within the first year of dating alone. Newly married women in their early 20’s gain an average of 24 pounds in the first five years of marriage and men in the same category gain an average of 30 pounds during that same period.
One of the main reasons is comfort. Couples tend to replace active healthy habits with lazy not so healthy alternatives. Reinforced with the “support” of love we tend to let ourselves go in the belief that our partner will accept us no matter what we look like – For better or for worse, In sickness and in health etc. Here I will address some of the most common issues I hear from my clients.
Is Your Partner A “Feeder”?
Problem: A “feeder” is someone who enjoys feeding somebody else such as a partner or family member but not necessarily themselves. What seems innocent and caring can sometimes be more sinister and problematic. Some of the main negative issues are : Nervousness i.e. “stress baking” as a coping mechanism. Separation anxiety i.e. making your partner fatter on purpose to make them less attractive so they stay around forever. Feeding as a control mechanism i.e. one partner exerting subtle control over the other or making them dependent on the feeder.
Solution: Firstly, you need to talk to your partner (the feeder) about their behaviour. Possibly in their past, no one raised the issue with them before so, in a calm manner tell them you appreciate their care and effort they put into their food and meals but there is a limit. Tell them you will take some of the burden off them by sharing the cooking. If that doesn’t work and they really love to cook then you must agree on a weekly healthy meal plan and balanced diet that suits both partners. If the problem persists, it might be better to end a toxic relationship.
Skipping Workouts
Problem: Gym workouts might be replaced with movie/series nights in with a simple comment from one partner “You look great babe, skipping one workout won’t hurt!” This is nice to hear but if this bad habit becomes too common, over time you will gradually become more and more out of shape.
Solution: Don’t skip that workout! Grab onto each other’s love handles and motivate each other to do a fitness class, a weight session in the gym or at least a walk/jog around the block. Don’t allow each other to become complacent.
Grocery Shopping
Problem: Shopping together and not sticking to the healthy shopping list you prepared. Giving into temptations and buying each other a few “treats” because you want to show your affection via an indulgent high calorie snack.
Solution: Make a healthy shopping list and stick to it. Never go shopping while hungry or on an empty stomach. Statistics show that hungry shoppers buy 20% more unwanted junk food. If you don’t buy it, you can’t bring it home and you can’t eat it. Simple.
Going To The Cinema More Often
Problem: Watching a movie doesn’t make you gain weight ? But if you fail to pass by the snack bar without loading up on high calorie snacks like popcorn, chocolates and soft drinks then before you know it you’ll be making the auditions for The Nutty Professor.
Solution: Eat a filling high protein meal before the movie. Bring your own healthy snack alternatives such as Granola bars, Mixed unsalted nuts, protein bars, fruit and water.
Eating Out More Often
Problem: We associate pleasure with food and dining out is the most common pastime for couples. Understand that most restaurant prepared meals are richer and higher in calories than home cooked alternatives. Not to mention the starters and desserts (and the cost!).
Solution: Cut down on your visits to the restaurants. Skip the starters. Go for the healthy option on the menu and you can always replace carbs (rice/pasta/potatoes) with extra salad and veg with low calorie dressing. I think we all know that skipping dessert is a good idea. Start cooking at home more often, research some healthy meal options and impress your partner with your culinary skills.
Is Your Partner Holding You Back?
Problem: If one partner is piling on the pounds, be it from work demands of work or simply they do not enjoy the health buzz as much as you do. They might tend to fear being left behind. For example, one partner works out, is in great shape, staying sexy and youthful while the other is overweight and feels that they might lose the other partner to a more sexy suitor. Couple sabotage may slip in, be it on purpose or subconsciously. One partner can influence the other to eat a little more, have dessert, to skip workouts, buy them dinner or order in more often as a treat. Before you know it, you both can’t fit in the shower together.
Solution: Watch out for those tell tale signs and if you find that there could be some sabotage going on then you must confront it and talk it out with your partner and voice your concerns. But if the behaviours continue then realistically that person may not be the right one for you and you will have to seriously think about moving on.
Conclusion
As with all aspects of life we must take inventory, set boundaries and practice control whether it’s with career, recreation, friendships or relationships. This is essential to make sure you’re not ending up in the same bad situations week after week, which is making you frustrated and unhappy. Communication is key so talk with your partner and express how you feel, address issues instead of ignoring them and make a promise to help and support each other. It’s very easy to become complacent and lazy instead of holding each other accountable and motivating each other to become a fitter, healthier version of yourselves.